Raider Jokes.

[atomicbloke]

Hi Raider Fans,

A lot of Raider jokes have been posted on the Broncos forum. I don't think you guys should miss the fun. So I deceided to share those jokes with you guys.

Enjoy!!

With due acknowledgements to BroncoFanCam and Jaws in the Broncos Forum.
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As we all know the Raiders are a joke so if you've got any good ones post them here. This board needs livening up!

A man walked into an Oakland bar with a dachshund under his arm. The dog was wearing an Oakland Raiders jersey and helmet, and was festooned with Raiders pom-poms.

The bartender said, "Hey! No pets are allowed in here! You'll have to leave!"

The guy begged him: "Look, I'm desperate. We're both big fans, the TV is broken, and this is the only place around where we can see the game!"

After securing a promise that the dog will behave, and warning him that he and the dog will be thrown out if there's any trouble, the bartender relented and allowed them to stay in the bar and watch the game.

The big game began with the Raiders receiving the kickoff. They marched down the field, got stopped at about the 30, and kicked a field goal.

With that the dog jumped up on the bar, and began walking up and down the bar giving high-fives to everyone.

The bartender said, "Wow, that is the most amazing thing I've ever seen! What does the dog do when the Raiders score a touchdown?"



The owner replied, "I don't know, I've only had him for 4 years."

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What would you call a pregnant Raiders fan?

A dope carrier.

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An anxious woman goes to her Doctor. "Doctor" she asks nervously, "I'm worried sick - can you get pregnant from anal intercourse?" "Of course" replies the Doctor, "Where do you think Raiders fans come from?"

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What do you call a Raiders fan in a suit?

The accused.

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The Oakland Raiders football team practice at the Oakland Coliesium was delayed on Tuesday for nearly two hours. One of the players, while on his way to the locker room, happened to glance down and noticed a suspicious looking, powdery white substance on the practice field.

Coach Callahan immediately suspended practice while the FBI was called in to investigate.

After a complete field analysis, the FBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was
the goal line.

Practice was resumed when the FBI decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again...
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What do you call a Raider with a 2003 Super Bowl ring?
A thief!

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A cannibal walks into a restaurant and sits down. He looks at a menu and sees the specials are Chiefs fan $9.99 Charger fan $12.99 and Raider fan $29.99.

The waiter comes over to the table and asks if he is ready to place an order.

I have a question the cannibal asks, why is a Chiefs fan only 9.99 when a Raider fan is 29.99? What makes the Raider fan cost more?

The waiter replies, do you know how hard it is to clean one of those things?
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Why do raider fans always wear masks?

They are afraid that their boss at Mcdonalds might recognize them and fire their asses.

---------------------------------
What's the difference between a Raider fan and a puppy?
The puppy stops whining in 4 to 6 weeks.

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Three football fans were on their way to a game when one noticed a foot sticking out of the bushes by the side of the road. They stopped and discovered a nude female dead drunk. Out of respect and propriety, the Seahawk's fan took off his cap and placed it over her right breast. The 'Niners' fan took off his cap and placed it over her left breast. Following their lead, the Raider's fan took off his cap and placed it over her crotch.

The police were called and when the officer arrived, he conducted his inspection. First, he lifted up the Seahawk's cap, replaced it and wrote down some notes. Next, he lifted the 'Niners' cap, replaced it and wrote down some more notes. The officer then lifted the Raider's cap, replaced it, then lifted it again, replaced it, lifted it a third time, and replaced it one last time. The Raider's fan was getting upset and finally asked, "What are you, a pervert or something?"

"Why do you keep lifting and looking, lifting and looking?

"Well", said the officer, "I am simply surprised; normally when I look under a Raider's hat, I find an a**hole...."

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[Raider Ran]

Thanks for sharing.... I think we have all seen the convict jokes and the other usual bull**** stereotype crap from the short bus kids from Denver.

[RaiderBeast]

Originally Posted by atomicbloke

Hi Raider Fans,

A lot of Raider jokes have been posted on the Broncos forum. I don't think you guys should miss the fun. So I deceided to share those jokes with you guys.

Enjoy!!

With due acknowledgements to BroncoFanCam and Jaws in the Broncos Forum.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As we all know the Raiders are a joke so if you've got any good ones post them here. This board needs livening up!

A man walked into an Oakland bar with a dachshund under his arm. The dog was wearing an Oakland Raiders jersey and helmet, and was festooned with Raiders pom-poms.

The bartender said, "Hey! No pets are allowed in here! You'll have to leave!"

The guy begged him: "Look, I'm desperate. We're both big fans, the TV is broken, and this is the only place around where we can see the game!"

After securing a promise that the dog will behave, and warning him that he and the dog will be thrown out if there's any trouble, the bartender relented and allowed them to stay in the bar and watch the game.

The big game began with the Raiders receiving the kickoff. They marched down the field, got stopped at about the 30, and kicked a field goal.

With that the dog jumped up on the bar, and began walking up and down the bar giving high-fives to everyone.

The bartender said, "Wow, that is the most amazing thing I've ever seen! What does the dog do when the Raiders score a touchdown?"



The owner replied, "I don't know, I've only had him for 4 years."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What would you call a pregnant Raiders fan?

A dope carrier.

--------------------------------------------------------

An anxious woman goes to her Doctor. "Doctor" she asks nervously, "I'm worried sick - can you get pregnant from anal intercourse?" "Of course" replies the Doctor, "Where do you think Raiders fans come from?"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What do you call a Raiders fan in a suit?

The accused.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Oakland Raiders football team practice at the Oakland Coliesium was delayed on Tuesday for nearly two hours. One of the players, while on his way to the locker room, happened to glance down and noticed a suspicious looking, powdery white substance on the practice field.

Coach Callahan immediately suspended practice while the FBI was called in to investigate.

After a complete field analysis, the FBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was
the goal line.

Practice was resumed when the FBI decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again...
-----------------------
What do you call a Raider with a 2003 Super Bowl ring?
A thief!

-------------------------
A cannibal walks into a restaurant and sits down. He looks at a menu and sees the specials are Chiefs fan $9.99 Charger fan $12.99 and Raider fan $29.99.

The waiter comes over to the table and asks if he is ready to place an order.

I have a question the cannibal asks, why is a Chiefs fan only 9.99 when a Raider fan is 29.99? What makes the Raider fan cost more?

The waiter replies, do you know how hard it is to clean one of those things?
-----------------------------

Why do raider fans always wear masks?

They are afraid that their boss at Mcdonalds might recognize them and fire their asses.

---------------------------------
What's the difference between a Raider fan and a puppy?
The puppy stops whining in 4 to 6 weeks.

----------------------------------
Three football fans were on their way to a game when one noticed a foot sticking out of the bushes by the side of the road. They stopped and discovered a nude female dead drunk. Out of respect and propriety, the Seahawk's fan took off his cap and placed it over her right breast. The 'Niners' fan took off his cap and placed it over her left breast. Following their lead, the Raider's fan took off his cap and placed it over her crotch.

The police were called and when the officer arrived, he conducted his inspection. First, he lifted up the Seahawk's cap, replaced it and wrote down some notes. Next, he lifted the 'Niners' cap, replaced it and wrote down some more notes. The officer then lifted the Raider's cap, replaced it, then lifted it again, replaced it, lifted it a third time, and replaced it one last time. The Raider's fan was getting upset and finally asked, "What are you, a pervert or something?"

"Why do you keep lifting and looking, lifting and looking?

"Well", said the officer, "I am simply surprised; normally when I look under a Raider's hat, I find an a**hole...."

:gay:

[RaiderSithLord]

Someone else who has visited the haters site.....

[Pats Dynasty]

This is a great Raiders joke

[WookieRaider]

It took a crap call for your girls to beat us, how bad do we suck? Is that signature the correct size? Just curious, it should at least be illegal content. After the immaculant reception, that was the second worst memory in Raiders history...

[Pats Dynasty]

Originally Posted by WookieRaider

It took a crap call for your girls to beat us, how bad do we suck? Is that signature the correct size? Just curious, it should at least be illegal content. After the immaculant reception, that was the second worst memory in Raiders history...

If you've got issues with sig size, you're probably in the wrong place. Hell, some folks here have sigs that take up the entire screen.

[RaiderBeast]

Originally Posted by Pats Dynasty

This is a great Raiders joke

It's ok baby, you mad because I called you out? You didn't go to the game and you were caught lying about it..

[Pats Dynasty]

Originally Posted by RaiderBeast

It's ok baby, you mad because I called you out? You didn't go to the game and you were caught lying about it..

Liar liar. I absolutely did go to that game--your attempt was lame, pal. I tell you what: If I post a picture of my ticket stub, you post a thread entitled "I am Pats Dynasty's Bitch". If I don't, I have to post a thread entiteled "I am RaiderBeast's Bitch"

Are you man enough to take the bet, bitch?

[RaiderBeast]

Anyone can get a picture of a ticket stub.. You got caught lying like the bandwagon bitch that your are.. They use the break down lane, LIE.. The lines were long because of all the backpacks, LIE.. You never been to Foxboro Liar...

[AudieMurphy1]

Originally Posted by Pats Dynasty

Liar liar. I absolutely did go to that game--your attempt was lame, pal. I tell you what: If I post a picture of my ticket stub, you post a thread entitled "I am Pats Dynasty's Bitch". If I don't, I have to post a thread entiteled "I am RaiderBeast's Bitch"

Are you man enough to take the bet, bitch?

you should crawl out of raiderbeasts jock for awhile

[Pats Dynasty]

Originally Posted by RaiderBeast

Anyone can get a picture of a ticket stub.. You got caught lying like the bandwagon bitch that your are..

I KNEW IT. You're a punk bitch. I own you as always.

They use the break down lane, LIE..

True. The breakdown lane traveling Southbound from Boston was utilized to get to Foxboro. Try again, bitch.

Originally Posted by RaiderBeast

The lines were long because of all the backpacks, LIE..

BZZZZT. I said the lines were long because of inadequate male lines and too many female liens. Try again, bitch.

Originally Posted by RaiderBeast

You never been to Foxboro Liar...

I most certainly have. But now you call your own expereinces into question. You've never been, have you Mark?