Article: Raiders Sign "Uncle Rico" to Replace Collins

[punkedagain]

Raiders Sign Unknown QB to Replace Collins After Poor Training Camp Performance - "Uncle Rico" to Report To Camp Friday

Oakland, CA 8-03-05 (AP) -- Having invested millions of dollars in salary into troubled star wide receiver/General Manager Randy Moss, signed during the offseason from The Minnesota Vikings, the Oakland Raiders front office announced that 11 years was enough time for virtually anyone to develop into a competent NFL quarterback with the exception of Kerry Collins and it was time to pursue other avenues at the position.

In a press release handed out this evening, team officials released Collins to make room on the roster for quarterback "Uncle Rico," a largely unknown talent from Idaho but a QB highly touted by Riaders player personnel.

With regret the Oakland Raiders are announcing the release of quarterback Kerry Collins. We really like the kid but damn it he just can't throw a pass for ****. With our recent offseason aqcuisitions, the Oakland Raiders felt that it was time to part ways with Mr. Collins and bring some new talent into camp to put this team over the top. We wish him luck in his future endeavors, and hear that Dallas might be looking for a new quarterback to blame for their repeated failure. ...

The Raiders expert player personnel staff couldn't stop gushing about their new signee, "Uncle Rico." "He's got it all," said a front office source. "The quick accurate release, scrambling ability, accuracy, and the ability to throw the deep bomb for the vertical passing game, he's going to be a tremendous upgrade at the position for us."

Other personnel concurred. "We reviewed a scouting tape of him hitting a target with a steak at 30 yards, just imagine what he could do with a football, now that's what we're talking about. After watching his workout tapes, we liked him. Alot. In fact I'll bet he could throw a football over those mountains. And, he's a real charmer. The ladies love him and that isn't bad for ticket sales either. Maybe we'll even sell out of front-row seats this year, the sky is the limit. Screw Tom Brady, this decade is going to be the decade of Uncle Rico."

Uncle Rico is expected to turn around a 3 year offensive funk largely led by Kerry Collins scatter-armed offensive attack. No statistics are available but it is rumoured that Uncle Rico nearly led his team to the state championship, and would have won and gone professional years ago had it not been for a poor 4th quarter coaching decision that cost them the game.

[Jay_Gordon]

You're an idiot.

[HoodRiverRaider]

wow.....all i can say is wow

[stork44]

Is your daddy your brother?????? AAAA-hoe

[32asasin]

and YOUR Uncle Rico has the same experience your High hope qb has. and he is already has the fugly baby blue outfit.
OWNED Your "UNCLE RICO" its Rico for the rest of the world.

[Raider Ran]

Nice post ahole. Gave you some of that good old neg rep.

[SDSChargers]

Originally Posted by raiderran

Nice post ahole. Gave you some of that good old neg rep.

Why the negative rep? Was posted in the right forum wasn't it?

[L.A. Raiderfan]

It's sad you have the time to write a fake article about a team you don't like.

[Pats_Rule_all]

Wow what a bunch of whining babies raider fans are - not at all like their scary, tough image after all.

Yeah, I know I said i'd be away for a while - but this thread sums up everything that is so very wrong with the Raider fan-boys who post on this forum.

YOu cannot take a joke, seemingly having had your sense of humour surgically removed at birth, and because you cant find any sort of half decent come back - you resort to saying

1. That post is lame/sad/pointless

2. Giving negative rep points - Im here to tell you how much you suck..AND WHY!

[cad]

what a lame fukc

[VaRayder]

Great article! How did you find the time to write it between jobs filling up the bubblegum machines at Walmart?

[FarmGirl]

Originally Posted by VaRayder

Great article! How did you find the time to write it between jobs filling up the bubblegum machines at Walmart?

Filling bubblegum machines?? I thought he was restocking the "feminine hygiene" shelves.

Seriously, does someone really have nothing better to do with his life than to stay up late writing this stuff?

[Pats_Rule_all]

Should I have added

3. Abuse Moderator privileges - what a bunch of babies - altering my original post to show the 'Pathetics' logo - this sums up the raider fans here - stamping their feet and taking their ball home when we wont let you win.

Yours In Pity

PRA

[JOHN16]

He's just a patsy in a closet waiting to come out. Patsies are barely building a team of this dacade when they have nothing to compare to the team of all decades and winingest franchise of all profesional sports. By the way it was a fumble, must've been a patsy ref. We'll see you on 09/08.

[braddok]

Why do we even let these people in here?