A Mockery of a Mock
A wacky top-10 for Raider fans
Friday, April 25, 2008
By Victor Cotto Raiderfans.net Staff Columnist
Hey, everyone has done it…
They’ve been circulating since January, so why not give it a shot.
It’s time for my mock draft. Oh, and this one is strictly for Raider fans.
1. Miami Dolphins – Jake Long, OT Michigan
Boooo – no fun. Bill Parcells makes sure he gets his guy signed prior to the draft, locks up a left tackle that will be a steady presence for over a decade. No quarterback was deserving of the no. 1 overall pick, otherwise, they would’ve gone in a different direction.
2. St. Louis Rams – Vernon Gholston, DE Ohio St.
YES – let the shenanigans begin. The Rams select the ‘freak’ athlete of this draft. Plus, it keeps him away from the Raiders, who generally are enamored with guys with his attributes. He is big, fast, and looks like a monster in pads. Enough reasons to stay away from him. Raider fans sigh in relief…
3. Atlanta Falcons – Matt Ryan, QB Boston College
“We don’t need a quarterback…”, screams out a Raider fan. This pick is for the dogs, pun intended. The Falcons need a new face for the organization, are rebuilding, blah, blah, blah…on to the Raiders.
4. Oakland Raiders – Darren McFadden, RB Arkansas
Look, I’m a fan of Chris Long. I would like to see him selected. But with his skills, ability to get into the end zone, lack of pop in this offense in 2007 and a raw quarterback under center, McFadden can be justified here. Oh, and we just need to see a fleet of running backs on the roster. Who wants to see a camp battle of Michael Bush, Dominic Rhodes,
Justin Fargas and McFadden? Who wants to see the imaginative ways all those rushers get used? I do!
5. Kansas City Chiefs – Chris Long, DE Virginia
The son of a former Raider in a Kansas City uniform? He holds out, refuses to play for them, signs a three-year deal and then becomes a Raider after his contract expires. During games against the Raiders, he tells his future teammates how horrible those red and yellow uniforms are and how he cannot wait to get out of his deal.
6. New York Jets – Glenn Dorsey, DT LSU
After trading away Dwayne Robertson, Dorsey is selected to fill his spot. Eric Mangini is exuberant because he selected a player not expected to fall onto his lap but then realizes there is a microphone under his table in the ‘war room’ recording the Jets’ draft room banter. We find out it belongs to the Patriots and the NFL throws away any evidence related to this incident.
7. New England Patriots – Keith Rivers, LB USC
The Patriots upgrade their aging linebacker unit, but then receive a phone call from the NFL regarding the shenanigans in the Jets draft room. They forfeit this selection, and are ‘forced’ to give Matt Walsh a job in their audio/video department.
8. Baltimore Ravens – Kenny Phillips, S Miami
With no QB in sight, they go back to the University of Miami for another defensive talent. Ozzie Newsome states, “Ray Lewis, Ed Reed…heck, why not?”
9. Cincinnati Bengals – Devin Thomas, WR Michigan St.
Chad Johnson is chirping that he wants out of Cincinnati. So the Bengals draft a target to replace him. Problem is, they keep Johnson and then Thomas gets lost in the depth chart. In a few years, Thomas is given a shot to be a top flight receiver and he becomes Charles Rodgers pt. 2.
10. New Orleans Saints – Rashard Mendenhall, RB Illinois
Reggie Bush…check. Deuce McAllister…check. Mendenhall…check. The Saints and Raiders will meet in 2008 and that will become the first game in NFL history in which neither team passes the ball, as all plays are runs and Bush, McAllister, Mendenhall, M.Bush, Fargas, McFadden and Rhodes all combine for over 600-yards of rushing.
NOTE:
This was a writer’s attempt at humor, and all quotes and/or situations were utilized to make a mock of mock drafts. After months of speculation and prognostications, many fans are happy to see that the draft process will be over.